Battlefield Earth is Retarded

Battlefield Earth is not very good

From the people who brought you exploding evil face man

After enslavement & near extermination by an alien race in the year 3000, humanity begins to fight back.

Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000, is probably one of the worst movies. Ever. Even worse than a movie made by a blind monkey mashing on a video editing work station loaded with the extra clips from MTV’s Jersey Shore. (That might actually be pretty sweet).

If you need more proof, here is a quote from the movie:

You are out of your skull bone if you think that I am going to write on the report shot by man-animal!

Prepare For Battle

In the year 3000, man is no match for the Psychlo’s, a greedy, manipulative race of aliens on a quest for ultimate profit. Led by the seductive and powerful Terl, the Psychlo’s are stripping Earth clean of its natural resources, using the broken remnants of humanity as slaves. What is left of the human race has descended into a near primitive state, believing the invaders to be demons and technology to be evil.

After humanity has all but given up any hope of freeing themselves from alien oppression, a young man named Tyler decides to leave his desolate home high in the Rocky Mountains to discover the truth, whereupon he is captured and enslaved. It is then that he decides to fight back, leading his fellow man in one final struggle for freedom.

Travolta and Whitaker in Battlefield Earth

Forest Whitaker admiring John Travolta's codpiece

Aside from holding the record for maximum cod piece usage since the days of Shakespeare, Battlefield Earth was a major commercial and critical failure. In 2000 when the movie was released, (the same year that such gems as Rocky and Bullwinkle, Bedazzled, and Dude, Where’s My Car? came out), the film audience quickly spiraled downward as word of mouth and reactions came back negative.

Travolta had wanted to make the film in two parts, but the poor box office performance meant that the sequel would never be made. Hooray!

Travolta described the movie “like Pulp Fiction for the year 3000” and “like Star Wars, only better”. And even attempted to intimidate Bill Mechanic, the former head of Twentieth Century Fox into helping.

Well at least he startled him:

John wanted me to make Battlefield Earth. He had Scientologists all over me. They come up to you and they know who you are. And they go, ‘We’re really excited about Battlefield Earth’. Do you think in any way, shape, or form that weirding me out is going to make me want to make this movie?

But nothing could stop the eventual bad press and terrible reviews. A lot of news outlets were less then kind.

Glowing Review of Battlefield Earth

So I take it you didn't like the film?

But even if none of this stops you from seeing the movie, know this: If you support Battlefield Earth, you support John Travolta. And if you support John Travolta, you support Scientology. Scientology supports Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise didn’t let Katie Holmes take part in the sequel to Batman Begins, The Dark Knight.

And the Dark Knight is an awesome movie with Christian Bale in it.

So if you watch Battlefield Earth, you are basically saying you hate Christian Bale. Why do you hate Christian Bale?

Why Do You Hate Christian Bale

What is your deal?

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