If real life were like the internet

The internet is huge. And full of porn

What if our daily lives reflected what happened on the internet, or even within our range of technology?

Here we take a look at how things would be if real life mirrored technology.

There would be mom and pop cafe, which would only be able to serve food to about 50 people a day who would get an instant flood of traffic, and then their property would get suspended because of too many visitors. Some owners would hire employees from the Cache foundation, which would easily allow for more customers, others would foolishly buy more property, making their space unnecessary larger.

While walking through a store, the shelves would be misaligned depending on how much the designer optimized it for mass public use.

The would only be two types of cars. One would be called an Apple, made by the manufacturer Mac, and everyone who drove it would try to convert everyone else. The other type would be called PC, and would be produced by two manufacturers, Linux, who gives their customer a box full of useful parts and a well documented set of instructions for construction, and Windows, who mass produces millions of vehicles and does a pretty good job at it, and has a lot of accessories.

Typical Mac User - make sure to google image search this phrase!

The Mac drivers would call PC drivers lame, and tell everyone lies about PCs even though all of them only applied to the Windows manufacturer. The Windows users who had models built with the 95/98/2000 chassis would have accidents quite often. The Linux users would have open source engines, meaning that if something broke, odds were you would have several other people that could help you fix the problem, unless your engine’s producer was only documented in another language.

Mac drivers would also be smug about their cars.

At any hour, you could walk down the street into a counter-terrorist campaign against a group of radicals with hostages, and could even quickly choose sides, join a faction, and get a gun out of thin air. Some participants would only be 12 years old, and every now and then, people would run by at inhuman velocities, and you would claim that they were speed hacking.

If you walked around the forest, you would see tauren, elves, gnomes, and other mystical creatures fighting in a close group of about 25 people against massive beasts and powerful enemies. These taurens, elves, gnomes and such would be very diverse, some would be overweight, others would be skinny, some would be married with children, others would be friendless, jobless, and best friends with their hand.

You could also give her a hand. *Wink Wink

Everything in your house would just be a search field away. Some results may turn out to be misleading, such as when querying your home for “the biggest mistake ever“, you are presented one of your children (or perhaps wife) instead of your lovable Atari Jaguar or your copy of Microsoft Bob.

Everything would be transported, created, and used based on formats. Trying to write your friend a letter would be tedious since you would first have to check to see whether or not they could open it.

Eating food would be expensive for some and cheap for others, since creation of food would be mostly done by one cook program, meaning if your mouth wasn’t compatible, you didn’t eat.

Some stores would use painfully annoying signs and ads posted all over the walls, and doors to other stores – some related, others seemingly chosen out of a hat. When you walked into some stores, the walls would realign and your view would be reshaped to fit the store’s layout (obtrusive JavaScript).

Some places would be filled with a large group of people arguing over mundane, off-kilter, or socially irrelevant topics. There would be daily discussions, sometimes late into the evening or early in the morning, about the cats, video game consoles, women, this vs that, and myriad other meaningless topics.

The internet doesn't like you either!

Every now and again, a legitimately hilarious discussion would come up, and be called an epic talk. Every one of these places would have a type of ogre, a foul deformation of lameness, a logically inept creature called a troll. Participants in these discussions would occasionally go on troll-hunts, ousting anyone who had an opinion outside the mainstream. Many innocents would be flamed.

Those with more money would be able to purchase better parts for their body and upgrade other aspects of their daily life. Some would buy large amounts of memory for their thoughts, vast warehouses to store all of their items, and multiple supplementary graphics processors, allowing for several eyes.

Some people would even have more than one brain, allowing them to save time by multitasking and compressing thoughts into smaller thoughts.