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Who needs an original idea when you can re-make a re-make of a really bad adaptation that will at least break even?

day after tomorrow hollywood sign

The creatives have run for the hills and the accountants have taken over Hollywood – at least as far as the big screen is concerned. Every other movie that comes out these days is bad. They have stepped up their game from simply adapting novels (poorly), to adapting adaptations that were poorly done to remaking remakes that haven’t even been out a decade and were actually so well done in the first place so it doesn’t even make sense (except fiscally) to be remaking them.

Why? In a time of recession and economic hardships, the last thing major studios want to do is sink hundreds of millions into a movie that won’t break even, especially with competing studios crumbling and filing for bankruptcy all around them.

Who could blame them? The thing that doesn’t make sense is the fact that any of the original work they do manage to churn out is horrible. (Like The Tourist, Valentine’s Day, Get Him to the Greek, The Killers and Centurion. You wouldn’t believe how long it took me to come up with those, pretty much everything else last year was a remake or adaptation. ) Can it really be that the studios are making such poor choices? Or is it because the writers and directors with talent are hiding, waiting to be appreciated again, while the producers are left to doll up the disasters that land on their desks?

It’s obvious that with three re-imaginings of Snow White in the works, Hollywood is officially grasping at straws. So where are the artists to save them? My vote is on television.

In the past few years while feature films have continued to get worse, cable television has risen above its smutty reputation and has stepped out as the leading player in entertainment. AMC, HBO, Showtime and others are churning out shows like Californication, Game of Thrones, Generation Kill, True Blood, Boardwalk Empire, The Pacific, The Walking Dead, The Borgias, The Killing and Mad Men. It would seem that they’re the only ones willing to take a risk, and it’s paying off.

Why, instead of learning from their little brothers, are the studios ignoring this? It used to be if someone had a good idea, everyone jumped on it. However the studios seem too scared to do even that, instead they’re clutching their pearls and hoping the same old formula will save them one more time.

Let’s take a look back, why not take advantage of this new craze, and infuse it with something old? TV shows in theaters. Just like the weekly serials back when silent films were new. Forget sitting around at home to watch the latest installment, why not go see it on the big screen with surround sound and popcorn?

Honestly, it’s hard to say when things will turn around and movies will get good again, but we have hit rock bottom. Hollywood has started to adapt board games, Rock Em Sock Em Robots have inspired Real Steel, and there is a Battleships movie in the works. Once we adapt Snakes and Ladders, I officially give up.